If you are a single parent, your family consists of at least 2 people, maybe more. That is you and your child (or children). I’m asking you, “who is the #1 person in your family?”
A lot of single parents say to themselves, “now that my spouse is gone, the #1 person in my life is my child.” However, this is one of the biggest mistakes they can make.
In more than 25 years as a family doctor in my private medical practice, I’ve seen many single parents put their children in the first place. But why did they come to see me? They came because they were stressed and overwhelmed and they could not see a way out. The reason behind this was that they made themselves #2 in the family.
How come there are single parents out there who are able to raise 2, 3 or even more children without feeling worn out? What is their secret?
This is what I will explain in this article.
To cut a long story short, here’s the point. If you arrange your life around your child, you will get yourself into trouble. You will not be living your life. That will end up in resistance, often showing up as organ dysfunctions, health issues or even severe diseases.
Let’s look at it from your child’s perspective: what does a child want from their parent? It’s security, food, attention and protection.
In order to be able to provide that for your kids, you need to be strong, self-sufficient and confident. If you feel like that, everything is alright.
However, if you as a single parent feel worn out, overwhelmed and stressed, you need to change something. And that is your thinking.
Let me give you an example. Susan, 41 years old, was a single mom with a six-year-old boy. She came to see me because she wanted to move to another city to live with her boyfriend “in order to provide a father for my child”. However, she did not really love that man, but she took herself back emotionally and put her son in the first place, assuming that any male adult was what he needed. She would even accept a job that she hated just to be able to move to that city.
After I explained to her how a child’s psychology really works, she could understand that she had to put herself in the first place and make herself happy first. Children watch their parents constantly and try to adapt. If parents are unhappy, the children project that upon themselves and think they are the ones who have done something wrong. Subsequently they change their behavior, try to be funny or they get overwhelmed and lose focus for example at school.
Science has shown that children have a hard time being happier than their parents. If this is not transformed with psychological help, it will stay and influence their entire life. They just can’t get to happiness … and will pass it on to the next generation!
Nature’s law tells us that children will follow the parents, and if parents don’t follow the path where they will feel strong and confident, the child will learn in their early days to be insecure and shy.
So Susan decided to accept her dream job and left that unloved boyfriend. Shortly after, she found a new loving partner in her hometown. This enabled her to be strong and confident and thus she provided her son with what he really needed.
“First mom and dad have to be well-rested and replenished, so that they can be in their full power in order to serve and protect their child”.
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