“To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness; it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.” —Anthon St. Maarten
We strive to be productive and efficient in both our professional and personal lives juggling work demands with parenting and perhaps the additional responsibilities of looking after our parents. We have become so distracted by busyness while believing in the premise that our worth is determined by how busy we are that we don’t take the time to stop and really feel what is important to us.
When we are in the throes of busyness we are not able to objectively discern we need help.
Early in my teaching career I had to take a semester leave due to the stress of an acrimonious separation and the ongoing struggle to secure a full-time teaching position while raising three young children with limited to no child support.
I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of single parenthood coupled with the demands of teaching. I felt vulnerable, was quick to tears, was emotionally and physically exhausted and still soldiered on. It was not until I couldn’t stop crying and felt like my life was never going to change for the better that I recognized I needed some support.
A body out of rhythm reflects a life out of balance and It was obvious that what I was doing was not working!
If I ignored my body’s symptoms, I was at risk for serious consequences!
I realized that my well-being had to be of the utmost importance, as I was solely responsible for our children and their well-being. To help them, I had to help myself first. I took some time off teaching to address what I needed.
“If something is not working, doing more of it will not work any better.” —Anonymous
.What did I learn?
- Be “for” yourself. Be a “selfist”. It’s not selfish to do so and in fact it’s necessary.
– Create the space for much-needed awareness and guidance to surface.
– Make the commitment to value yourself as much as you value those you help.
– If and when the guilt and doubt surface remind yourself you are putting the oxygen mask on first.
When we love ourselves enough to value what we need and want we have more available to share with others from a place of strength rather than vulnerability.
- Surround yourself with people who have your back.
– Expand your awareness and set the intention to find a community group that resonates with who you are: your goals and interests.
-Spend time with friends who support your decision to be a selfist.
-Ask a close friend or co-worker to be an accountability partner who will tell you honestly if they think you are overdoing it. Agree to stop and take care of yourself in whatever way feels good sooner rather than later.
- Choose to feel good.
– Choose to feel good regardless of what’s going on. This too, shall pass.
– Lighten up. Laugh at yourself when you make a mistake––it is through mistakes that we make corrections leading to success.
Affirm: “I believe in the perfect outcome to every situation in my life”
Each morning before you get out of bed set the intention to have a good day.
When we feel dissatisfied, overwhelmed, overworked and lack the energy and time to engage in what once were meaningful activities we need to be alert to what our body and soul need so slow down, and take the time to assess how you are feeling, right now.
Do you need to take some time to yourself, to recharge? If so, be vulnerable enough to admit you need some help and support and then ask someone who cares about you for that help.
Seek out resources and supports in your community and online, like Single Parents Hub.
In summary, practice being a selfist,, find your tribe of support, commit to feeling good and listen to what your body and soul is speaking to you. Be well!
“If something is not working, doing more of it will not work any better.” —Anonymous
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