Interview with Jason Hadden MBE Barrister – www.jasonhadden.co.uk
Here are the expert and legal advice on Child arrangement.
What factors the parents should consider regarding to the children’s welfare after the married or relationship end?
From the legal side: the court will take the view that the child is its paramount consideration. This means that the child’s welfare is the court most important consideration. Their welfare comes before that of the parents. Sometimes the parents relationship breaks down for many reasons: financial difficulties, the pressures of everyday life, that they fall out of love, or in some case domestic abuse. Even if the later, the child should never be used as a pawn (tool) to influence, control or in many ways abuse the other by either party. In doing so ultimately it is the child who will suffer. They always do and will often resent (perhaps not immediately) the parents who used them in such a fashion.
As such the child really needs to come first in a sensible way, putting aside prejudice and blame. People parent differently; they might not do things the way you want them to do, but it doesn’t mean that they are bad parent. After all you both love the child, and in the most part loved at one stage each other. You together made something wonderful. Remember that. Everything we do, we do it slightly different from the next person.
The “different” make humans more interesting. In relationships, sometime that is what makes people attracted to each other: “opposites attract”.
What are your advice when parents disagree about the arrangements for their children after the divorce?
The focus must always be about the children. Put the children first. The last thing both parents want to do is to take the matter to court, because the court will make the decision when the parents disagree; i.e. what the school the child go to, holiday arrangement. Once the court decides, whether both parties agreed or not, you must comply with the court’s decision. In many such cases neither parent are ultimately happy with such an outcome. Both parents share “parental responsibility” Not “parental rights”. The law is clear on this.
Responsibility. That is the key word.
The children have to be the priority and the centrepiece in any discussions. That does not however mean that one parent knows best. Both parents must have a say and work together. The best way to reach such a decision is by both parents sitting down together and coming to an agreement.
If you can’t agree, then you can ask for family and family’s friends to help or get the mediator to help to bring the common sense to the resolution. The decision must have supported by the evidence to support the argument to find the resolution. Primary consideration should always be the children.
Always put the children first before yourself, look from an objective way rather than subjective way, try to see from other side perspective.
Compassion, understanding, compromising.
Children are our paramount consideration. We must put the children first. Not just in the short term but medium and long term. That means we have to be sensible in our discussions and decisions now because they will affect the children for years to come. Because your relationship breaks down, it doesn’t mean your children can’t have the successful relationship in the future with both parents.